1/21/06

Its only 8:30 and already all I want to do is go to sleep. I don't want to go hang out with anybody or do anything. Just go to sleep and make all the pain go away. Sleep is the only time that I am remotly happy.

I shouldn't have done it, I shouldn't have done it. Grrrrr, i'm stupid. I messed everything up. Again.

love is it worth all the tears

do we really love or do we just want some one to be there

you can be so happy

or you can be so confussed and worried

you maybe able to laugh with that person but is that enough

you maybe completly googoo eyed over one another

But the next thing you know something is happening and somthing goes bad

and then you two will never be the same

???why do we put our selves through the pain???

12/9/05

What is it about me that is so repulsive? No matter how hard I try I can never make any friends here. I don't care to have a lot of friends, just a few that I can go talk to or hang out with when I want. All you people that live on my floor give me so much crap about not leaving my room often, but you don't make it all that easy. Anytime I try to most of you, especially the girls, make me feel like a freak who shouldn't be hanging around you. Maybe I should transfer then at least I would have my family within 15 minutes of me, so I could just leave campus and go hang with the people that actually want to see me. People need to learn some respewct around here. They are all so incredibuly stuck up and think they are so great that they can't see how stupid they sound. I will be walking somewhere with my roommates and we will come upon someone that we all know and that person will all most always only say hi to them and completely ignore me. Even if we were just talking the night before or even a few hours earlier. You know that does hurt just a little bit, even know I never let it be known.

12/4/05

I love snow. Walking on cold nights, rolling down white hills, sledding with a sled that has holes in the bottom. So much fun.

11/30/05

I hate finals and chemistry. Chemistry makes absolutely no sense at all.

11/6/05

I'm going home for thanksgiving, I don't have a clue who I will tell and who I will see. If you read this and you are going home to Colorado don't tell any of my family as I'm not quite sure what I'm actually doing.

10/28/05

I helped you get your stupid movie and what do i get out of it. I get left behind to spend another fucking friday night by myself wondering why I even came here. Thanks for nothing bitch.

10/16/05

I need to be held.

I miss waking up and talking to my dad while I eat my bowl of fruit. It's just not something you can used to not doing. My friends here aren't the same as the one's I had in Coloardo. I can't tell them stuff like i did my other friends. I'm actually afraid to be myself. I like here, but the people just aren't the same, they don't seem to want to get to know me or really even be my friend.